if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
