i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
