there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize