peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
