Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
