Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
