dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
