im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
