i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
