She said her name was "party"
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
