she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
