the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
someone owes me an orgasm
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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