I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize