i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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