I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
