why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
