I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
