please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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