No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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