Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
