Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
