you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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