just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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