She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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