the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize