The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
