Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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