filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
