i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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