its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
