I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
