I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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