I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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