and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I forget how to act sober
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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