I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
