Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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