two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
