Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
