I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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