Swine flu. Run for my life!
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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