was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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