Taylor Swift is so right about you.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
True strength comes from lack of pants
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
