Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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