I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Randomize
