I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Are my feet made of real feet?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize