We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
