Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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