You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
