I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
