I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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