I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
you had me at cake vodka
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
