hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
