I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
