At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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