Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Don't tell me you're on acid again
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
