I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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