so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize