So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize