so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
There's always time for handjobs
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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