just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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