her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
