only if we run a train.
done.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize