you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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