I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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