I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The struggles of a small town man whore
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
