Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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