a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
