we have officially lost it.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
