everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
