I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
