I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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