and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Randomize
