so that wasnt chicken after all
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
