Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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