He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
