But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Reggie can tackle my bush.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
