My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
