my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize