hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i out mim tonsoeep
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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