No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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