I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
