i don't like sucking hair
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
