Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
