I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
