My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
