I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
