I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize